The ability to speak truthfully from your heart and mind in all interactions is a necessary skill to have in order to gain loyal, trustworthy friends, build strong bonds with your loved ones and be an influential figure in your career not in an egotistical way but because you have something genuine and progressive to share.

Whatever comes from the heart originates in love and whatever originates in love can never fade away or be destroyed. People may forget what you have said to them, but they will never forget how you make them feel. However, it doesn’t mean you always need to tell people what they want to hear without checking in what you want to say really resonates with you. Otherwise you will be a people pleaser and give people not with best intention excuses not to treat you with respect.

Be genuine, be in your power, speak truthfully and respectfully. Your love and respect for yourself and others can potentially awaken the love and respect in others. If whoever you talk to responds well to you, then you know it’s a relationship that is worth developing. If not, then you know they are not the right person to connect to, at least not for now and not on that specific subject matter. Also based on how they respond to you, you can have a glimpse of their character and quality as person. I always remember what Warren Buffett said: “You cannot make a good deal with a bad person.” Have strong boundaries but also be flexible. Everyone has the potential to change and evolve. Everyone has the potentiality to be great and extraordianry. However without making definite decisions and taking actions, the potentiality can never be realized. Pay attention to people’s actions and not just the words as well as how they treat everybody they encounter.

It is also very important to point out that people tend to mirror each other, especially in  close relationships. What you see in others often is a reflection of yourself. This can be tricky when you are not aware of these hidden parts of yourself and can be confusing and even destructive if you project them onto others. For example, if you made a mistake in your work and your manager was upset. It doesn’t necessarily mean he/she is upset with you or there is something wrong with you. But if you feel hurt, then it usually comes from an unhealed wounded that is triggered by the manager. So in this case, it is best to seek help from a professional to heal the wound within yourself first before communicating with the manager about the issue.

On the other hand, the manager has to be aware of their own projections and not misuse or abuse their power and positions. I love the following two quotes from Dale Carnigie’s book “How to win friends & influence people”:

1. “A great man shows his greatness by the way he treats little men.”
2. “Any fool can criticize, complain, and condemn—and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.”

There’s a chapter from the book “The Four Agreement” titled “Be impeccable with your words.

The following is my take on it:

Before you can be impeccable with your words, it’s important to look into your heart and ask yourself what your true intention is. Your words intensify and consolidate your intention while your intention is the driving force behind your words. Before you communicate with someone about an important issue, negotiate a deal or confess your feelings, it’s essential to always be clear about your intentions, your values, what sits well with you and what doesn’t, so that you are prepared, grounded and present. You will know clearly what to do, where you can compromise and where you cannot.

The best kind of communication is always two-way open communication. Let go of your judgments and what you think you know about a person or a situation. Allow your understanding of them to support your discernment but soften your judgement so that you see him/her and situation for what they really are instead of looking for what you want to see. In this way, you allow both parties to come at a mutual understanding and build a good foundation for trust and growth.

 

Love and Light,

Jane Huang