Category: anger

The Importance of Speaking Truthfully

On By Divine Inspiration CoachingIn anger, Awarenss, beliefs, Career, Communication, fear, Goals, Healing, Leadership, Personal GrowthLeave a comment

The ability to speak truthfully from your heart and mind in all interactions is a necessary skill to have in order to gain loyal, trustworthy friends, build strong bonds with your loved ones and be an influential figure in your career not in an egotistical way but because you have something genuine and progressive to share.

Speak truthfullyWhatever comes from the heart originates in love and whatever originates in love can never fade away or be destroyed. People may forget what you have said to them, but they will never forget how you make them feel. However, it doesn’t mean you always need to tell people what they want to hear without checking in what you want to say really resonates with you. Otherwise you will be a people pleaser and give people not with best intention excuses not to treat you with respect.

Be genuine, be in your power, speak truthfully and respectfully. Your love and respect for yourself and others can potentially awaken the love and respect in others. If whoever you talk to responds well to you, then you know it’s a relationship that is worth developing. If not, then you know they are not the right person to connect to, at least not for now and not on that specific subject matter. Also based on how they respond to you, you can have a glimpse of their character and quality as person. I always remember what Warren Buffett said: “You cannot make a good deal with a bad person.” Have strong boundaries but also be flexible. Everyone has the potential to change and evolve. Everyone has the potentiality to be great and extraordianry. However without making definite decisions and taking actions, the potentiality can never be realized. Pay attention to people’s actions and not just the words as well as how they treat everybody they encounter.

It is also very important to point out that people tend to mirror each other, especially in  close relationships. What you see in others often is a reflection of yourself. This can be tricky when you are not aware of these hidden parts of yourself and can be confusing and even destructive if you project them onto others. For example, if you made a mistake in your work and your manager was upset. It doesn’t necessarily mean he/she is upset with you or there is soSpeak truthfully 2mething wrong with you. But if you feel hurt, then it usually comes from an unhealed wounded that is triggered by the manager. So in this case, it is best to seek help from a professional to heal the wound within yourself first before communicating with the manager about the issue.

On the other hand, the manager has to be aware of their own projections and not misuse or abuse their power and positions. I love the following two quotes from Dale Carnigie’s book “How to win friends & influence people”:

  1. “A great man shows his greatness by the way he treats little men.”
  2. “Any fool can criticize, complain, and condemn—and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.”

There’s a chapter from the book “The Four Agreement” titled “Be impeccable with your words.

The following is my take on it:

Before you can be impeccable with your words, it’s important to look into your heart and ask yourself what your true intention is. Your words intensify and consolidate your intention while your intention is the driving force behind your words. Before you communicate with someone about an important issue, negotiate a deal or confess your feelings, it’s essential to always be clear about your intentions, your values, what sits well with you and what doesn’t, so that you are prepared, grounded and present. You will know clearly what to do, wcommunicationhere you can compromise and where you cannot.

The best kind of communication is always two-way open communication. Let go of your judgments and what you think you know about a person or a situation. Allow your understanding of them to support your discernment but soften your judgement so that you see him/her and situation for what they really are instead of looking for what you want to see. In this way, you allow both parties to come at a mutual understanding and build a good foundation for trust and growth.

 

Love and Light,

Jane Huang

How To Deal With Abusive Relationships

On By Divine Inspiration CoachingIn anger, Awarenss, beliefs, Connecting with emotions, fear, grief, love, Love and Relationships, Personal Growth, Releasing negative and painful emotions, Self-healing, Self-love, spiritualityLeave a comment

woman huggingThe first step to deal with abusive relationships is admitting you are actually in one. Most people tend to deny they are in one because all relationships take time and effort to create and maintain and we don’t want to believe that the time and evergy that we have spent are going to waste or against us.

Then something might happen to make you alert that the person you are in relatioship (does not have to be romantic relationships, it can be parents, relatives, co-workers, social encounters etc) with actually tend to be a taker, a manipulator, or a user. When situations like this happens, some people critisize the other person for being inconsiderate and be very angry at them while others tend to tell themselves that everything will be fine and wishfully think the other person will change for them. Very few people really look at the the cause of the issue and how the relationship was formed in the first place. However, this is an important step to deal with all relationship problems. We have to really understand what situation we are in and what the next step to take that will bring the best solutions for everyone involved.

Most emotional and physical abusive relationships form when both parties have insecurities, looking for another person to help deal with our problems (or to complete us). Then, we have to ask ourselves, what do we want to experience from this particular relationship? Are we trying to get something from it in order to ease our fears, anxieties or insecurities. Relationships based on co-dependnece will always meet challenges down the road and it will get harder and harder as time goes by because both parties refuse to learn and baggage carried by each people grows day by day.

To deal with it in a healthy way, we really have to detach ourselves from the situation for as long as we need and feel the emotions that come up. The emotions we feel is what created the event and even the relationship. Common emotions include anger because of feeling not getting what one wants, grief due to feeling sacrificing so much for nothing, fear because not knowing what the future will be etc. It’s very important to know we are responsible for everything we feel. We are not responsible for how others treat us because everyone has free will. But we are in total control of how we feel and what actions we take. If what other people do have effect on us, it is beause we are not strong enough internally and we have expectation on others to please us. The expectations we put on others really come from deep-rooted selfishness because we make ourselves the centre of a relationship and we demand others to please us. So it is not surprising that relationships formed based on selfishness create pain for both sides and will not last long. People who are attached to their expectations tend to stay in abusive relationships longer because they are more susceptible to illusions that the other person will become who they want them to be.

Once we are clear about our feelings and where they come from, we are ready to start taking action that will help us grow and free us eventually.

  1. Do not play the blame game: meaning completely own your own emotions, thoughts, and actions. If someone is not loving to you (eg: criticism, ridicule, condemn, manipulate, blame etc) tell them how you feel, and give them a choice to change. If they do not change, leave. You do not have to put up with that.
  2. See what you can change in order to improve the situation: all abuseive relationships are created by more than one person. See what you have done has created such an relationship. Change your attitude, actions and intentions. Communicate with the other person. If he/she is willing to change in the positive direction, you can choose to grow together. If the other person is closed off and not willing to change, leave the situation because the other person is being selfish and controlling and you do not have to be the victim.
  3. Persistence: Roman Empire was not built in one day. Usually abusive realtionships are quite difficult lessons to learn and takes time and effort to change or leave them. You have to be persistent in what you do and how you feel. You need to make new ways of thinking, perceiving, and responding your new habits, replacing the old ones, so that you life keeps going in the desired direction. To achieve that, it takes time, effort and constant practice. Remember: nothing worthwile comes easy.
  4. Celebrate accomplishments: We tend to overlook our needs and under-appreciate ourselves. This is actually one of the reasons why we even get into abusive relationships because we do not love ourselves enough. We tell ourselves it’s okay that life is stressful and frustrating. But in truth, life doesn’t have to be that way. We choose to experience the events we want to experience. No matter how difficult it seems at a particular moment, we always have choices and the right choices always give you hope, peace and freedom. What you choose may take you out of your comfort zone, but it’s good for you and you need to trust your ability to deal with challenges and trust that the universal laws are meant to help your grow and prosper, but you need to take inspired actions and face some challenges first. We also need to understand that challenges/difficulties in life are not meant to be punishment. They are only consequences of what you have done or not done in the past. So the faster you deal with a problem, the less severe consequence it will be.
  5. Start to give more: The purpose of life is to prosper, to grow, be abundant, be confident, be happy, be loving, be generous, be helpful, be compassionate and make your contribution to help others and make the world a better place. The universe will generously return its favour at the right time . The more you give, the more abundant you will be. The more you love, the stronger you will be. The more you smile, the happier you will be. The more you try, the more confident you will be. The more you help, the more successful you will be. The secret to live an abundant, joyful and fulfilling life is to give generously and receive graciously.

Love and light

Jane Huang

Founder of MasterSource Spiritual Guidance

You Are The Answer To Heal Your Life

On By Divine Inspiration CoachingIn anger, Awarenss, beliefs, Connecting with emotions, fear, grief, law of attraction, MInd Body and Spirit Connection, Personal Growth, Releasing negative and painful emotions, Self-healing, spiritualityLeave a comment

How do you feel about your life? Is there some area in your life you feel frustrated about because you do not know how to improve it? Do you always question results and not trusting that the universe will always bring you the nest solution in a particular situation? Have you ever felt you have been neglected, not loved or not being treated fairly? Do you feel you are not worthy enough to pursue what you love, who you want to be and the life that you really want to experience? Have you ever felt you do not deserve the things that truly bring you happiness and joy?


If your answer is yes to any of the questions above, it’s an indication that you have not really opened your heart to allow the universe to show you how much you are loved and you are not being loving to yourself because you put a cap on what you really want to experience. However, do not blame yourself for how you feel or what you know now because what you are experiencing at this moment has nothing to do with what is going to happen in the future if you choose to change your approach to every aspect of your life. A lot of times, the limiting beliefs that paralize our life were not originally created by ourselves, rather they come from your parental influence, grandparents, peers, and media etc. But, there is no power behind blaming yourself or others because it is an indication that you do not want to take responsibility for your life right now. Where in truth all the potentiality and possibility lie in the present moment — here and now. It is how you choose to deal with your error-based or fear-based beliefs and emotions now that determines what will happen next in your life. If you choose to deal with your emotions and release them in a healthy way, your relationships with others, yourself, your work and everything else will improve automatically because everything happening in your life is a reflection of your inner self. However, if you choose to turn away from your emotional injuries and neglect them, they will become darker and more intense until your emotional turmoil becomes too overwhelming and starts to wreck your life, your health and your relationships.

Do not be afraid of your emotions because they are the most accurate depiction of who you really are. No matter how much you try to run away from your emotions, in the end you will always revert back to your true feelings. Do not feel shamed about what you did or what happened to you in the past. It may not be all your fault or not as bad as you think. The truth is you were doing the best you could at that time and life is supposed to be a constant learning process.

You are never responsible for what happened to you. But you do need to look at what emotions and energy in you that have attracted certain events. You are responsible for how you deal with the personal emotional injuries now, how you want to direct your life and taking steps to create your life according to your free will now. Acknowledging what hurt you in the past, why it hurt you, how you feel about it now and how you want to come to peace with the past is a powerful technique to release your emotional injuries. Open your heart. It might be scary and hurt at first, but eventually love and truth will come into your heart, your vibration and heal your whole being.

I would like to share a beautiful but powerful poem with you:

One And Only You

Every single blade of grass,

And every flake of snow —

Is just a wee bit different …

There’s no two alike, you know.

From something small, like grains of sand,

To each gigantic star

All were made with THIS in mind:

To be just what they are!

How foolish then, to imitate —

How useless to pretend!

Since each of us comes from a MIND

Whose ideas never end.

There’ll only be just ONE of ME

To show what I can do —

And you should likewise feel very proud,

There is only ONE of YOU.

That is where it all starts

With you, a wonderful unlimited human being.

Love and light

Jane Huang

Founder of MasterSourse Spiritual Guidance

Positivity, Patience And Persistence Are Keys To Miracles

On By Divine Inspiration CoachingIn anger, Awarenss, beliefs, Connecting with emotions, Goals, MInd Body and Spirit Connection, Passion, Personal Growth, spirituality2 Comments

persistence-patient

No matter how negative a situation seems to be, it can always be turned around into something beautiful and meaningful. It may not be easy or it may take a long time. But if it’s something that you desire and truely believe in, it will be worth the effort because the peacefulness, joy, gratitude and sense of accomplishment you gain afterwards are imcompareable and the lessons you have learned along the way can benefit you for the rest of your life.

It’s important to always hold best intentions at heart. If there are inner conflict and resentment in you that prevent you to be positively  in a situation, deal with those negative emotions first because you can’t escape your own thoughts and emotions and they will filter everything that comes into your awareness. If you keep suppressing negative thoughts and emotions instead of acknowledging them, bitterness will become part of you and the consequencial pain will consume you. So clear and let go of your negativity first so that you can see love and truth in that situation rather than believing in false illusions created by your tainted awareness. Then you are able to carry out positive actions in a very natural manner as actions are physical reflections of your inner state.

Everything is moving and changing. So never think that a certain situation can not be changed. If you consistantly change your attitude and actions, it will affect other people and the situation will certainly change but you have to have the will to initiate it and do something about it rather than waiting for someone else to do it for you or a fairy tale miracle to happen.

Never think that what you are able to do now is not enough. Do not judge yourself by comparing your starting point with someone elses’ finished results. Long-lasting changes are never easy to make and they are not mean to be done in just one day. If you can not do extraordinary things, do small things in an extraordinary way. Do something positive everyday about a situation you want to change whether it’s personal or worldly, be consistent and persistent at it.  You will be surprised what it can mount to overtime. When you look back, you will be so happy about and proud of the decisions you have made and the things you have done.

Love and light,

Jane Huang

Q&A: What’s the correlation between emotional injury and fear?

On By Divine Inspiration CoachingIn anger, fear, grief, law of attraction, Releasing negative and painful emotions, spiritualityLeave a comment

Fear is a common emotional injury that most people suffer. Some people like to refer emotional injuries as negative imprints that are imposed by our environment when we are very young and have not developed the consciuous mind to reject limiting and harmful beliefs.

Some emotions are causal emotions and some emotions are capping/blocking emotions. Shame and grief are common causal emotions. Fear, frustration, anger and rage are capping emotions that block people to get in touch with the painful feelings that they suppress. Most people get frustrated or angry because they want to run away from the painful emotions that they refuse to experience and release. But from a person getting sad to angry, it can happen within a fraction of a second and majority of people do not have the habit of observing their own behaviours and emotions swings.

Whenever a person gets angry or afraid, it is a sign that they are runing away the painful emotions that are stored in them instead of owning their emotions and really experiencing them without judgements. For example, a person who is afraid of admiting his/her true feelings may have been ridiculed when he/she shared his/her emotions openly but never allowed him/herself to feel the sorrow inside. A person who is afraid of falling in love may have been rejected or betrayed by the people he/she intensely attracted to or deelply trusted but never embraced and let go of the painful experiences.

Imgine when a child discovers something new and is eager to share it with his/her parents who he/she believes are supposed to love and support him/her. However instead of being encouraged, he/she gets yelled at, dismissed anad ridiculed. As a result the child feels not valued, not supported, not loved, resulting in a lot of grief and sorrow. In a lot of culture, children are not really encouraged to experience their painful emotions and are taught that crying signifies weakness while in reality they are just experiencing and releasing their emotions. It is when people run away from their emotions and suppress them with fear and anger that they become defensive, fragile and less powerful. So as the child grows up, he/she can be very afraid of discovering new things and inventing new ways of doing things on his/her own. He/she may even become jealous and resentful towards others who think out of the box and receive inspirations.

So to truly process in our life, accepting, embracing and releasing the painful emotions is essential. We are not responsible for what happened to us when we were children because they result from others people’s ignorance of how their negative words and actions can cause pain in another. But we are the only people who can release those painful emotions stored in ourselves and can set us free from emotional prisons.

Love and peace

Jane Huang

Q&A: Emotions are a voliate subject, how can one be selective and choose certain emotions to feel and release?

On By Divine Inspiration CoachingIn anger, Connecting with emotions, fear, Releasing negative and painful emotions, spiritualityLeave a comment

We don‘t use the mind to choose what emotions we want to work with. We simply allow emotions come up and usually the stronger the emotion is, the faster it will jump out.

Take me for an example, I do breathing exercise everyday to allow emotions come up and feel what emotions I have been suppressing. Most people have suppressed their emotions so much that intellectually they think they are one way, but in reality, they are another way. For instance, if a person think he/she is peaceful but get annoyed or frustrated by outside circumstances. Then this person has supressed emotions and the event serves to trigger his/her suppressed emotions. Psychologists call those subconscious emotions or beliefs. Most people project their own feelings and expectations on other people and outside circumstances. When a person close their heart that they become angry or frustrated which are fear based. In most cases, they are afriad of losing control and completely letting go.

Anger and fear are blocking/capping emotions. The real causal emotions are grief and shame that one has denied and suppressed.

Jane Huang

Founder of MasterSource Spiritual Guidance

Daily Prayer — I can heal myself

On By Divine Inspiration CoachingIn anger, Prayer, Self-healing, spiritualityLeave a comment

In the infinity of life where I am, all is perfect, whole and complete. I am one with the power that created me. I am totally open and receptive to the abundant flow of prosperity that the universe offers. All my needs and desires are met before I ask. I am divinely guided and protected, and I make choices that are beneficial for me. i rejoice in others’ success, knowing there is plenty for us all. All this reflects in a constantly increasing income. My good comes from everywhere and everyone. All is well in my world.