Category: Mental health

Grow with Life Experiences Series – How to deal with narcissistic people including your parents (Part 2)

On By Divine Inspiration CoachingIn Awarenss, Emotional health, Healing, Inner Child healing, Mental health, Personal Growth, Self-healing, spiritualityLeave a comment

It is quite unfortunate if one or both of your parents is/are narcissistic however it doesn’t mean you have to repeat your parents’ patterns. When you were young, you brain is not developed enough to process complex emotions and situations. However as you grow more mature especially into adulthood, you have the ability to identify unhealthy patterns inherited from your parents and the capacity to process and heal them. One good thing about being an adult is that you are able to parent your inner child in ways that your narcissistic parent/parents is/are not able to.

Before diving further into how you can heal from the trauma bonding with your narcissistic parents. It’s important to understand the extent narcissistic parents’ negative outlook, criticism, brainwashing and controlling tactics on their children. According to research, children who are brought up by narcissistic parents tend to experience the following mental health, relationship, career and physical health struggles.

It is very important to establish boundaries with narcissistic parents because we are consciously and unconsciously influenced by the environment around us and there is no benefit to have narcissists around you. If you can, it’s best to establish your living space and build a supportive circle around you. Narcissistic parents tend to think they have ownership over their children and therefore they will not respect your boundaries. You establishing your boundaries will actually anger or trigger them because they can no longer control you. It’s important to know that narcissistic people crave power. When their power over something or someone is being challenged, their true color will come out. That’s why narcissistic parents can be emotionally, physically, psychologically, mentally and/ or verbally abusive when their children rebel their ideas, plans or beliefs.

In the previous post, I have mentioned that narcissistic people have no empathy. This means they will not be able to see things from your perspective. They also have no desire to do so. They have this grandiose and arrogant idea about themselves as if they know everything or whatever they say or think is correct and cannot be challenged. Somehow they think they are above others. Even when you show them facts and try to reason with them, their arrogance will dismiss your ideas and proposals. That’s why arrogant people can also be very ignorant because they never see the point of learning from others or life experiences. In their little mind, they think they already know everything. Therefore arrogant people are also emotionally shallow because it is empathy, compassion, humility, the ability to self-reflect that make a person emotionally rich and deep.

It is important to mention that just because you can pinpoint your narcissistic parents’ toxic traits, it does not mean that you can change them. Narcissistic people do not change on the fundamental level. Even if they change, it will be a very small one instead of a drastic change. Narcissistic people are innately self serving, emotionally selfish, cold, immature and shallow. They may change their actions to make them look better but not because they suddenly develop empathy or there is a big change on the core level.

It is much better to look for support and fulfillment elsewhere such as developing meaningful friendships, leaning a new skills, watching some heart-warming movies, engaging in activities that make you feel happier and more confident, being in nature, meditating etc.

Self-love and self-confidence are essential when dealing with narcissistic parents. Always put yourself first. You don’t have to be the one who is always putting in the effort or be consistent with them. You don’t have to give them more than what they deserve even if they are your parents. Parents are supposed to be emotional, psychologically and physically supportive of their children’s growth. If they do not do their part right, you don’t have to be the one putting in all the effort or mending the relationship. It’s important and beneficial to always invest in reciprocative relationships and break the boundaries that your parents set for you and start living your life for your own good. Although it is easier said than done, and it can take years of practicing self-love to hold strong boundaries again narcissistic parents, the rewards and the inner strength and wisdom you have gained along the way will make everything worthwhile. There is nothing more emotionally rewarding than building a strong and healthy relationship with yourself as all other relationships are reflections of that.

Love and light,

Jane

Grow with Life Experiences Series – How to deal with narcissistic people including your parents (Part 1)

On By Divine Inspiration CoachingIn Emotional health, Healing, love, Mental health, Personal Growth, Self-healing, Self-love, spiritualityLeave a comment

Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th ed.; DSM–5; American Psychiatric Association, 2013) defines a narcissistic person as someone who has a pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), an excessive need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts.

This is indicated by five (or more) of the following:

  1. Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements). 
  2. Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love. 
  3. Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions). 
  4. Requires excessive admiration. 
  5. Has a sense of entitlement (i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations). 
  6. Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others. 
  7. Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her. 
  8. Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.

Warren Buffett said: You can’t make a good deal with a bad person. This is something you need to always remember when dealing with narcissist people including your parents or guardians. However it is not easy to identify a narcissistic person when you first meet them. You may even think they are very charming, agreeable, or even thoughtful and considerate because they are very good at masking themselves to be the person you want them to be so that they can get closer to you and eventually get what they want from you and/ or manipulate you into doing something for them which have been in their mind from the very start.

So it is smart not to be too open towards people when you first meet them because you don’t really know them yet. Not everybody is what they appear to be. It’s like the saying “not all that glitters is gold”. A lot of people unfortunately live from a quite superficial level. Even though it sounds cliché, but it is true that people can only meet you as deeply as they meet themselves. Narcissistic people lack emotional depth and maturity, they don’t have the capacity or desire to understand or experience life from a deeper and more authentic level. To them, they only think about how to get what they want and don’t really care about how their decisions, actions affect other people. So you can also say that narcissist people do not have empathy meaning they can’t sympathize with other people’s pain and therefore they can be physically and/or emotionally cruel. That’s why a lot of narcissistic people are verbally, emotionally and/ or physically abusive. However, these traits may not be apparent until you get to know someone well. So it’s smart and important to be observant and a bit reserved when you meet new people. Those who are respectful of others will respect your boundaries and will be open to you when you are also ready to be open because they are empathetic and do not want to take anything from you. Narcissistic people do not respect other people’s boundaries and when you say no to them, it may even enrage them as if you don’t have a right to choose or say no when you are dealing with them.

Narcissistic people may grow up in families that that are highly traumatic or their parents coddled them when they grew up and never teach them to be responsible for their actions or wrongdoings. That’s why in many male dominant cultures, there are a high percentage of men being narcissistic than women.

However, the level of narcissism is also largely influenced by a person’s own nature. An empath who grew up in a dysfunctional family, was raised by narcissistic parents and is highly traumatized, when given the chance, will still choose the path of honesty, love, compassion, learning to be self-responsible and making sound and good decisions in life. It’s like the story a wounded healer – someone who was deeply wounded, but never gives up on love, goodness and trust in themselves and others because that’s who they truly are. Everyday they choose to open themselves to light, learn to reflect on and learn from their past experiences no matter how difficult it is on some days. Eventually, they heal themselves deeply and profoundly, and therefore, they have and exuberate deep love and understanding for all beings in the universe.

You can also say it’s like a warrior’s journey – a warrior may encounter all types of challenges, monsters or demons, but they never surrender or lose their fighting spirit. They focus on learning the skills and learning from their past experiences and eventually earn the power to outsmart and slay all monsters and demons. Their victory does not depend on external circumstances but the inner light, wisdom, skills and strength that they have learned a long the way.

Empaths who are healed are extremely strong, aware and intelligent because they can perceive people, things and situations deeply and truthfully. They will be able to see and understand things that others cannot. It will be very difficult to fool them because they have learned to listen and understand their intuition and differentiate the voice from their heart from the noise of their mind. The synergy of many deep parts of their psyche make them very intelligent, wise, wholesome, loving, compassionate and strong.

Empaths are on the opposite spectrum of narcissists. They are very sensitive to other people’s emotions and well-being and therefore a lot of them may choose careers such a counselling, spiritual healers, artists or psychics.

When you notice someone who is a narcissist or have narcissistic traits that you feel uncomfortable or that you can’t trust them, it’s important that you establish your boundaries in a smart way. Be nice and polite but do not invest or engage anymore than that. The goodness narcissists share is very superficial and you don’t have to give people more than they deserve especially with narcissists because they are very selfish, manipulative and don’t care about anything else as long as they get what they want. It’s very important to stay cautious around narcissistic people if you have to be around them. If you can, it’s best to distance yourself from them and those who don’t contribute or bring positivity to your life.

Love and light,

Jane

Grow with Life Experiences Series

On By Divine Inspiration CoachingIn Abundance, Awarenss, Goals, Healing, Mental health, Personal Growth, spiritualityLeave a comment

June 03, 2022

Your beliefs, thoughts, and emotions create your reality because they not only attract circumstances that reflect them but also affect your response and reaction to various situations, opportunities and challenges in life.

So by changing your beliefs, thoughts and emotions, you can change your life. By healing your past trauma, release negative thoughts and beliefs, you are able to heal yourself, release past experiences, beliefs or doctrines that have been instilled in your mind but are no longer supportive of what you are going. Then the plateau you experience in life will be lifted, and you will be able to see and experience what is beyond your current beliefs allow you to. You will be able to experience more joy, freedom, and cultivate deeper connection with yourself and you will be able to perceive and understand people, things and situations on a deeper level and in a more truthful manner because you are not looking through filters anymore, you are seeing people, things and situations for what truly they are.

However, it has its pros and cons:

pros:

You will feel that life has more meaning and life has more colour.

You feel deeper emotions, have deeper thoughts and start to look for and attract people who are more aligned with who you are and where you are going.

You will feel a sense of community and support when you are surrounded by like-minded and like-hearted people.

You will feel you life is taking off or is accelerating.

You feel excited about life and have more tolerance for the challenges that life throws your way

You will feel happier because you are more in touch with your true being. In another word, you start to love yourself unconditionally and forgive yourself easily.

You will have more compassion for yourself and others

You will start to develop inner strength and wisdom which go hand in hand

cons:

Spiritual growth may come with some growing pains. You may start to realize who are not contributing positivity in your life and you will want to distancing yourself from them. This can be an uncomfortable phase because people tend to be drawn to what is familiar. During this time, it’s very important to surround yourself with people who truly care about you and who understand what you are going through. You need support to go through the cleansing phase. Of course, you can do this on your own, but it is easier when there is support, love and understanding around you. Besides that, you can also learn from those who have gone through similar situations as you do. Human beings are social beings, through communication and interaction with others, we gain new information, ideas, inspiration etc. that help us become smarter, stronger, kinder and learn to see things from different perspectives.

Everyday, start to do things that excite you and scare you at the same time as long as they don’t put you in any kind of danger because the goal is to open yourself to a world and experiences that are beyond your current comfort zone and not to traumatize yourself. Even in just in one year, you’ll start to see a huge amount of changes and growth!

Love and Light,

Jane

How to create more abundance in your life!

On By Divine Inspiration CoachingIn Abundance, Goals, Healing, Inner Child healing, law of attraction, love, Love and Relationships, Mental health, Passion, Personal Growth, Releasing negative and painful emotions, Self-healing, self-judgement, Self-love, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Sit in a quite place and breathe in through your nose and breathe out through your mouth until you feel relaxed. Imagine your feet sink deep into the earth and feel the solid nurturing earth energy supporting your whole being .

Place your hands on the centre of your chest and put your attention gently between your hands and the skin of your chest and say “I am my awareness.” If emotions come up, it’s okay. Be with them for a moment. You don’t have to do anything. Be aware of them is enough. They will heal, evolve and expand at the right time.

Now ask to connect with your spiritual guides, archangels, angels or your higher self whoever you connect with usually. If you are new to spirituality, and you are not sure who to connect with, you can always ask to connect with your higher self and your subconscious mind. Spirituality also starts with connecting with yourself first. The deeper you go, the higher you can reach.

Abundance.png 2

Now say in your mind or out loud:

God,  archangels, angels, seraphim, my higher self, my subconscious mind please help me be aware of my negative beliefs about money. Be aware of what thoughts, memories emotions, images, colors etc. show up. Allow your emotions to flow through you. Pay attention if you have any body sensations. Write them down. When you come back and re-read what you have written down, you’ll see how your thoughts, emotions are trying to communicate with you and you will have better connection with yourself and make better decisions in the future.

Now repeat the same exercise  for financial abundance

Pay attention to what financial abundance really feels to you. Be aware of what thoughts, emotions, images, colors etc show up. Pay attention to your body sensations. Do you feel expansion, warmth, or something else and write them down. 

Financial security and abundance is directly connected with your sense of self-worth. How do you see and feel about yourself? Do you really love, value and accept all part of yourself no matter what? You are the only person who can give you the love, the validation, the support you will ever need. The healing process starts and ends with healing your inner child. When you were a child, you depended on your parents. But when you are an adult, you really have to learn to be the divine mother and divine father that inner child needs. You have to be the force in your life to heal, love and appreciate your inner child in all aspects. When you heal your inner child, you really build a strong foundation in yourself, the 3D world and the spiritual world because you have integrated and harmonized all part of yourself and you will be more in peace with yourself. Your emotions will have higher frequency and your desires will manifest more quickly.

Find a quite place to sit and ask you higher self, your subconscious mind and your guides to show you your sense of self-worth. Pay attention to any thoughts, emotions, images, body sensations that come up and write them down. Pay attention to your breathing and become more aware of our own rhythm.

Now you have just released a lot of suppressed energy and emotions that no longer support you. In order for it to manifest more quickly in your life, you need to do come cleaning and organizing. (You can do this on the next day, if you feel you have a lot emotions to process or a lot of thought and feelings to write down in your journal.) Go through your place and clean out all the things that you no longer need. By doing this, you are generate room for new energy to come in and new events to manifest. You will also feel lighter and less dense. Everything is inter-connected. What you do in our physical world affects your mental, emotional and spiritual experience.

Now go back to your desk and write down as much as possible what you are grateful for. The attitude of gratitude will generate positive energy within you and in turn create positive experience in your life. In truth, you can only experience what you are and everything else is merely a mirror for you. I am sure you have heard of the saying “When you change the way you look at something, it changes.” It is because your out experience is a direct reflection of your inner experiences.

inner world

Now that you have done the heard part, finally you can write your goals, your dreams and what you want to experience in your life. I put this part at last is because I want to you experience your heart first and know the difference between your heart and your mind. Your heart’s desires will always fulfill you. By staying in your heart, you will be less sensitive to other people’s judgment, opinions because love the strongest force and protection in the universe. You don’t need other people’s praise to do what you want to accomplish. You only need love to do what you want to do.

Love

Love and peace,

Jane Huang

 

 

Keep your energy and vibration high during COVID-19 lockdown

On By Divine Inspiration CoachingIn Acceptance, Awarenss, COVID-19 lockdown, Emotional health, Inner Child healing, Mental health, MInd Body and Spirit Connection, Passion, Personal Growth, Releasing negative and painful emotions, Self-healing, Self-love, spiritualityLeave a comment

During this quarantine period, although it is easy to be influenced by negative news and remain in a state of fearfulness,  it is important to fear will never attract or manifest anything positive. It will only attract and manifest more fear. At this time of uncertainty and turbulence, it is crucial that we keep our energy high and vibrant so that negative forces can’t have any grip on us.

Looking from a different angle, being at home is a perfect time to cultivate high, pure light energy within yourself and really strengthen your light body. I have been working meditate light bodyon healing and strengthening my subtle/ energy body for the past two weeks and have released a lot of emotions and become more sensitive and mindful of the health of my subtle body. It has been amazing. I feel more peaceful, grounded and more connected to my being.

 

To help you connect with your spirituality and stay calm and peaceful inside, I have summarized some tips below:

1. Journal before you go to sleep. Write down your desires, fears, worries, confusions and ask either negatives emotions to be cleared during your dream state or answers and solutions regarding your questions be answered in whatever way that is clear to you. JournalWriting down your thoughts and feelings is a great way to clear yourself and let go of your grip on the situation. For any situation to unfold in a positive way, you must detach and let go and allow it to manifest in the way it is meant to be. When you allow and trust, it will always unfold in a way that is for your highest good and you will understand it sooner or later.  

2. Go to sleep with a peaceful mind and open heart. You can achieve this by saying a prayer, meditating, or listening to a peaceful sleep meditation before sleep. The thoughts and feelings you carry into your sleep have profound influence on your inner state. If you take resentful, hateful, angry thoughts with you in your dreams, you will wake up exhausted, depressed, angry, and unfocused. If you go to sleep with a feeling of gratitude, love and peace, you will wake up with more energy, feeling of joy and expansion. Let go of your grip or your perspective on a situation. If someone did something that upset you, just understand, it’s the way they peaceful sleepare, it doesn’t have anything to do with you. They behave in a certain way that they think is most beneficial which you may or may not agree. Repeat to yourself “I forgive you for not being the person I want you to be.” Because in truth, nobody has the obligation to do what pleases you. If you have met someone who is like you and you resonate with, know that this is a blessing and a gift and be grateful for the gift. The attitude of gratitude bring you more of what you love and appreciate.

3. Upon waking, write down your dreams, pay attention to the feelings, colours, messages, the storylines, etc. Sometimes, you may see animals, ETs, or yourself as a different person. No matter how bizarre your dreams are, write down the details as much as possible. When you go back and read your dreams in a month, 3 months, a year, you will see a pattern how your subconscious mind communicates with you and you will start to remember more and more of your dreams. It’s pretty amazing!

4. If something is bothering you, write them down. Writing down your thoughts can really help you sort through your thoughts and emotions. Sometimes, solutions and understanding of a situation can magically appear while you are writing. Pay attention to how you feel and only anchor on positive, assertive and constructive emotions so that your energy/subtle body stays strong.

5. Observe your thoughts and emotions rather than letting them control and affect you. You are much bigger than your thoughts and emotions which are just some aspects of you and they can change constantly. light bodyObserve your thoughts and emotions and let them go. Don’t try to hold on to any of them whether you perceive them as good or bad. Be more fluid, and things in your life will unfold more quickly. That’s why so many people find the famous quote from Bruce Lee “Be like water.” inspiring.

6. Use our time and energy mindfully and choose who you spend your time with consciously. Create an environment for yourself that is nurturing and supportive of who you are and what you want to become. Don’t be afraid to say no. If people don’t respect your choices, they don’t deserve to be in your life. You don’t want to give your precious time and energy to somebody who doesn’t respect you. Do not give up part of yourself just to keep the peace or avoid conflict. Your vibration and the quality of your inner state are your highest priority.

7. Other people are your mirrors. What you like or dislike in a person is a reflection of yourself on some level. Universe gives us challenging situations to help us grow. Challenging situations are perfect opportunities to look within to heal our wounded self and release what is no long needed for our highest good. Everything evolves. Allow yourself evolve naturally and organic without putting external restrictions on yourself. Then you can really witness and be amazed by the grand plan your soul and the divine has for you.  and .

8. Have fun! Laughter is the best medicine. You can heal a lot through laughter and allow your inner child to come out and play. inner childThis is when you are able to reintegrate parts of yourself that have split off during stress times. Healing doesn’t always have to be heavy and challenging. You can heal during deep sleep, watching a movie, playing sports, music, artistic and creative endeavors etc. It important to connect and love your inner child because it is essential in the process of manifestation and your connect to spirit. Once you are able to love and accept all parts of yourself and love your inner child, you will have so much spiritual power, strength, insights and understanding. You will see and understand people and situations so much more clearly that nothing will bother you anymore and you will know exactly what is the right thing to do in every situation.

Love and light,

Jane Huang