How Law of Attraction Really Works

In the context of human experience, the law of attraction works on both conscious and subconscious level. What most human are consciously aware of is only about 3%. the rest is unconscious within which some is inherited, some may come from past life, some were picked up when you were very young or when you were in a highly receptive state so information, thoughts and beliefs went into your subconscious mind directly without being examined or filtered by your conscious mind.

There have been a lot of books, programs talking about changing your thoughts in order to change your life. However, you have have noticed that a lot of the times, it may not be as easy as you would like because thoughts come from your belief systems, most of which are unconscious to you until you start to do some serious inner-work. Thoughts that have heavy emotional charge attached to them are more challenging to change causing behavioral patterns difficult to change as well.

Diving a bit deeper, what makes changing your beliefs challenging is that you very likely picked them up when you were very young from your parents or caretakers. When you were young, you had no choice but absorb and pick up everything around you because your brain is not developed yet to perform complex tasks and weave out or reject negative thoughts, beliefs or projections. Then you go on living your life as if you aught to think, feel or behave in a certain way not knowing that there are actually unlimited ways of thinking, perceiving, behaving and living your life. Years of living your life unconsciously only consolidates your subconscious beliefs until when you see the limitation of living your life in a certain way and start to ask deeper questions such as “How can I improve my life experience?” “Why did I behave in a certain way?” “How can I change my response?” etc.

People who are awakened or are in the awakening process will be drawn to self-healing or self-development in order to understand themselves better, to heal parts of themselves that were not loved or damaged, to be their own best friend and biggest ally. When you start to put in the work in the right direction, the universe will respond and help you along by bringing you experiences and miracles better than you have expected. Everything starts with you. If you want to have better relationship with your spouse/partner, you need to take responsibility and start to examine your life first. Are you doing everything you can? Do you truly want to stay in the relationship? Do you see a future with your spouse/partner? Whether the answer is yes or no, you need to be honest with yourself and make decisions and take actions that are aligned with your integrity, principles and values. When you do it consistently, either your spouse/partner will be inspired to change with you or the universe will clear the way and bring you someone who has similar intention and is a vibrational match for you.

As you keep unpeeling the onion, start to work on yourself on the soul level, start to say “YES” to your soul purpose and start to walk on your soul path consistently, the universe will bring you someone who can resonate with you on your soul level. Some people call it a soulmate relationship, but in essence, it means to be in a relationship with someone who has great synergy and chemistry with you. You understand, love and care about each other deeply, help each other be the best you can and walk on your highest paths individually and collectively. However it doesn’t mean it will always be easy as life will always throw you challenges, but overall it will be a very strong, deep, meaningful, satisfying and often intense relationship.

Love and light,

Jane

Grow with Life Experiences Series – How to deal with narcissistic people including your parents (Part 2)

It is quite unfortunate if one or both of your parents is/are narcissistic however it doesn’t mean you have to repeat your parents’ patterns. When you were young, you brain is not developed enough to process complex emotions and situations. However as you grow more mature especially into adulthood, you have the ability to identify unhealthy patterns inherited from your parents and the capacity to process and heal them. One good thing about being an adult is that you are able to parent your inner child in ways that your narcissistic parent/parents is/are not able to.

Before diving further into how you can heal from the trauma bonding with your narcissistic parents. It’s important to understand the extent narcissistic parents’ negative outlook, criticism, brainwashing and controlling tactics on their children. According to research, children who are brought up by narcissistic parents tend to experience the following mental health, relationship, career and physical health struggles.

It is very important to establish boundaries with narcissistic parents because we are consciously and unconsciously influenced by the environment around us and there is no benefit to have narcissists around you. If you can, it’s best to establish your living space and build a supportive circle around you. Narcissistic parents tend to think they have ownership over their children and therefore they will not respect your boundaries. You establishing your boundaries will actually anger or trigger them because they can no longer control you. It’s important to know that narcissistic people crave power. When their power over something or someone is being challenged, their true color will come out. That’s why narcissistic parents can be emotionally, physically, psychologically, mentally and/ or verbally abusive when their children rebel their ideas, plans or beliefs.

In the previous post, I have mentioned that narcissistic people have no empathy. This means they will not be able to see things from your perspective. They also have no desire to do so. They have this grandiose and arrogant idea about themselves as if they know everything or whatever they say or think is correct and cannot be challenged. Somehow they think they are above others. Even when you show them facts and try to reason with them, their arrogance will dismiss your ideas and proposals. That’s why arrogant people can also be very ignorant because they never see the point of learning from others or life experiences. In their little mind, they think they already know everything. Therefore arrogant people are also emotionally shallow because it is empathy, compassion, humility, the ability to self-reflect that make a person emotionally rich and deep.

It is important to mention that just because you can pinpoint your narcissistic parents’ toxic traits, it does not mean that you can change them. Narcissistic people do not change on the fundamental level. Even if they change, it will be a very small one instead of a drastic change. Narcissistic people are innately self serving, emotionally selfish, cold, immature and shallow. They may change their actions to make them look better but not because they suddenly develop empathy or there is a big change on the core level.

It is much better to look for support and fulfillment elsewhere such as developing meaningful friendships, leaning a new skills, watching some heart-warming movies, engaging in activities that make you feel happier and more confident, being in nature, meditating etc.

Self-love and self-confidence are essential when dealing with narcissistic parents. Always put yourself first. You don’t have to be the one who is always putting in the effort or be consistent with them. You don’t have to give them more than what they deserve even if they are your parents. Parents are supposed to be emotional, psychologically and physically supportive of their children’s growth. If they do not do their part right, you don’t have to be the one putting in all the effort or mending the relationship. It’s important and beneficial to always invest in reciprocative relationships and break the boundaries that your parents set for you and start living your life for your own good. Although it is easier said than done, and it can take years of practicing self-love to hold strong boundaries again narcissistic parents, the rewards and the inner strength and wisdom you have gained along the way will make everything worthwhile. There is nothing more emotionally rewarding than building a strong and healthy relationship with yourself as all other relationships are reflections of that.

Love and light,

Jane

Grow with Life Experiences Series – How to deal with narcissistic people including your parents (Part 1)

Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th ed.; DSM–5; American Psychiatric Association, 2013) defines a narcissistic person as someone who has a pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), an excessive need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts.

This is indicated by five (or more) of the following:

  1. Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements). 
  2. Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love. 
  3. Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions). 
  4. Requires excessive admiration. 
  5. Has a sense of entitlement (i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations). 
  6. Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others. 
  7. Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her. 
  8. Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.

Warren Buffett said: You can’t make a good deal with a bad person. This is something you need to always remember when dealing with narcissist people including your parents or guardians. However it is not easy to identify a narcissistic person when you first meet them. You may even think they are very charming, agreeable, or even thoughtful and considerate because they are very good at masking themselves to be the person you want them to be so that they can get closer to you and eventually get what they want from you and/ or manipulate you into doing something for them which have been in their mind from the very start.

So it is smart not to be too open towards people when you first meet them because you don’t really know them yet. Not everybody is what they appear to be. It’s like the saying “not all that glitters is gold”. A lot of people unfortunately live from a quite superficial level. Even though it sounds cliché, but it is true that people can only meet you as deeply as they meet themselves. Narcissistic people lack emotional depth and maturity, they don’t have the capacity or desire to understand or experience life from a deeper and more authentic level. To them, they only think about how to get what they want and don’t really care about how their decisions, actions affect other people. So you can also say that narcissist people do not have empathy meaning they can’t sympathize with other people’s pain and therefore they can be physically and/or emotionally cruel. That’s why a lot of narcissistic people are verbally, emotionally and/ or physically abusive. However, these traits may not be apparent until you get to know someone well. So it’s smart and important to be observant and a bit reserved when you meet new people. Those who are respectful of others will respect your boundaries and will be open to you when you are also ready to be open because they are empathetic and do not want to take anything from you. Narcissistic people do not respect other people’s boundaries and when you say no to them, it may even enrage them as if you don’t have a right to choose or say no when you are dealing with them.

Narcissistic people may grow up in families that that are highly traumatic or their parents coddled them when they grew up and never teach them to be responsible for their actions or wrongdoings. That’s why in many male dominant cultures, there are a high percentage of men being narcissistic than women.

However, the level of narcissism is also largely influenced by a person’s own nature. An empath who grew up in a dysfunctional family, was raised by narcissistic parents and is highly traumatized, when given the chance, will still choose the path of honesty, love, compassion, learning to be self-responsible and making sound and good decisions in life. It’s like the story a wounded healer – someone who was deeply wounded, but never gives up on love, goodness and trust in themselves and others because that’s who they truly are. Everyday they choose to open themselves to light, learn to reflect on and learn from their past experiences no matter how difficult it is on some days. Eventually, they heal themselves deeply and profoundly, and therefore, they have and exuberate deep love and understanding for all beings in the universe.

You can also say it’s like a warrior’s journey – a warrior may encounter all types of challenges, monsters or demons, but they never surrender or lose their fighting spirit. They focus on learning the skills and learning from their past experiences and eventually earn the power to outsmart and slay all monsters and demons. Their victory does not depend on external circumstances but the inner light, wisdom, skills and strength that they have learned a long the way.

Empaths who are healed are extremely strong, aware and intelligent because they can perceive people, things and situations deeply and truthfully. They will be able to see and understand things that others cannot. It will be very difficult to fool them because they have learned to listen and understand their intuition and differentiate the voice from their heart from the noise of their mind. The synergy of many deep parts of their psyche make them very intelligent, wise, wholesome, loving, compassionate and strong.

Empaths are on the opposite spectrum of narcissists. They are very sensitive to other people’s emotions and well-being and therefore a lot of them may choose careers such a counselling, spiritual healers, artists or psychics.

When you notice someone who is a narcissist or have narcissistic traits that you feel uncomfortable or that you can’t trust them, it’s important that you establish your boundaries in a smart way. Be nice and polite but do not invest or engage anymore than that. The goodness narcissists share is very superficial and you don’t have to give people more than they deserve especially with narcissists because they are very selfish, manipulative and don’t care about anything else as long as they get what they want. It’s very important to stay cautious around narcissistic people if you have to be around them. If you can, it’s best to distance yourself from them and those who don’t contribute or bring positivity to your life.

Love and light,

Jane